Perhaps I’m not as fat as I thought

There are days when I wake up, look in the mirror, and cringe. I analyze and criticise every inch of my body.

I poke and prod and promise to treat myself better. Then there are days I look in the mirror and think “hey there sexy.

How are you doing?”

Although yesterday was not an overly critical day, it was also not an overly confident day either. However I took video of me doing a Jasmine in a crop top and I looked better than I thought (in the midsection).

Then I saw a video of me from June 2014 and I thought the video was pretty flattering. I tend to pay special attention to my midsection. I have the very sought after body type of an apple.

Doesn’t every woman want to be round in the middle? No? The hell you say! Well yesterday and today my midsection looked pretty good (not Marlo Fisken good, but not 9 months preggers either).

So I call that a win for week! Today I’m thinking perhaps I’m not as fat as I thought. Yay me!I was super excited about competing at APC, but I was taking medication that drastically reduced my strength and I still have more fundamental moves to master.

My invert is getting way better. I can hold myself and tilt back from a front leg hook. I keep taking videos to see how far back I tilt (before I was only getting my back parallel to the ground instead of more angled), but I can’t get the right video angle.

Regardless training is coming along great, but I still think I need more time so I decided to drop out of the competition to give myself more time to train.

The funny thing is everyone at my studio is acting like it’s the end of the world. Well maybe not that drastic, but they’re disappointed. They keep trying to encourage me to compete.

Perhaps they think I’m letting nerves get the better of me, but that’s not the issue.

I really don’t want to compete at such a large venue when my inverts are not consistent.

PSO allows anyone who is not a competing at the professional level to compete at regionals or nationals.

Professionals have to win a slot to nationals, but no one else does (it’s probably because only the professional level have a chance at a cash prize).

Nationals are in August and I’m going to compete then instead. These doesn’t seem to satisfy some of the ladies. They’re convinces I should competed at APC.

Sorry ladies no dice. I need more time to train. What about you guys? Have you ever dropped out of a competition because you needed more time to strength train?

Ugh.

This week was complete shit for sure. I wasn’t feeling well the beginning of the week.

I skipped class, but I went to spin pole today (Saturday). I had trouble with my tree spin and even my inverts were shit. I was so annoyed. I came home and I decided to do some more strength work.

Of course that went horrible too. My pull-ups were weak, and my pole straight leg raises also sucked. Normally I can do at least 5 straight leg raises in a row, but today I could only do two.

Last week was so much better. My pull-ups were strong and my inverts were coming along nicely.

Of course I still need to work on my inverts and bring my back from parallel to tilted, but they looked pretty good. I need a reset button for today. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.§Atlantic Pole Championships (APC), a preliminary competition for Pole Sport Organization’s national competition, is one of the premier pole competitions on the East Coast. It’s also my personal favorite competition.

PSO has five competition levels for their regional competitions (levels 1, 2, 3, 4, and professional). It’s one of the only competitions that allows true beginners to experience competitions.

For example, level 1 competitors don’t even do inversions. The competitions are more geared toward athletic and artistic dancers. Sexy dancing is not forbidden, but it is limited.

APC does not allow overtly sexual content, dancers must cover their gluteal fold, and competitors are not allowed to shoe “intimate” body parts.

It’s the perfection competition for beginners and experienced dancers (the grand prize is five thousand dollars).Hailey Robinson really wanted to compete in the level two category this year. I cannot aerial invert (which is not allowed in level 2), but I can muster a regular invert from the floor.

Unfortunately my inverts are still not consistent so I backed out of the competition.

After watching the ladies in my category I was glad I backed out. The gal who won (Flynn Cross), looked effortless in her inversions. That’s how I want to appear when I compete, and not like I’m struggle to get up there.

Regardless, of my issues the competition was a blast to watch as a spectator.

The ladies in all categories were fantastic, and they gave me some inspiration for future. The ladies at Foxy Lady Fitness in particular had a very strong showing.

They brought 25 dancers with them, and their head foxy lady Ashley Fox won the professional category. Here is winning routine. Aside from their stellar head fox, the ladies in general had interesting routines, and they took advantage of interesting and unique shapes on both spin and static poles.

They were an absolute joy to watch, and I’m thrilled I got a chance to actually see some of my pole sisters from online forums in person.

Although I trained hard for APC, I wasn’t ready when APC rolled around. I got to watch amazing performances, but I wanted to compete. I’m originally from Los Angeles, and my family still lives there.

That being said, I decided I was going to compete come hell or high water at Pole Sports Organization (PSO) nationals this year. I signed up on Monday and I started training hard again. I have a trainer Erin Muessig, who also dances with me at DivaFit.

She is absolutely amazing. She can evaluate my inverts and see where I need help.

I have another trainer who’s not that great, but I already paid for a package so I’m stuck with him. Then I have dance 3 days a week. Hopefully, my dedication will pay off this time. I really want my family and friends to see me dance On Pole dancing Pole. Wish me luck!